“If you can’t walk you can’t take the tender” is simply violence, abuse, neglect, and exploitation

Hurtful disability discrimination is caused more though plain ignorance due to no experience so no recognition of someone else’s normal. Not all disability discrimination is illegal nor should it be.

This is a two way street. I will next discuss the intensive news and internet exposed incident instigated by a C5 quadriplegic public speaker that occurred at an Indian restaurant near his home in a Melbourne suburb in June 2021.

The author had been a customer of this particular venue for many years. Not a frequent diner but when I feel like eating their delicious food I do. I have never eaten in the restaurant as I feel the venue is too crowded, with patrons packed in like sardines.

The restaurant is on a terrace, they offer a takeaway menu and dine in option. In good weather tables and chairs are on the terrace outside the front door with plenty of room to move around. At the time an Indian family were the owners who had built up a strong client base over 25 years, they even arranged for customers to do cooking tours to India with them. The venue is small in area, a converted shop space, very tightly packed with compact tables and chairs. Sometimes to pick up takeaway it is difficult for a patron to make their way through the crowded venue to the takeaway pickup point at the back of the restaurant.

The quadriplegic was a young fit and healthy man who fell down spiral stairs when he was 22 years old. The fall resulted in lifechanging damage to his spinal cord. Suddenly the young man found himself living a life he did not plan to live.

Fast forward seven or so years during which time he had to learn how to live, laugh, and have fun again. He had to discover what his new normal life looked and felt like. He had to get to know how his body and bodily functions now worked. He had to rediscover his relationship with mum, dad, brother, other family members, and friends. How would love and sex be with his girlfriend who he met when he was 17, who became his fiancé, then wife, then mother of his child. He had to accept that for the rest of his life he is very dependent on other people to keep him alive and provide him with basic personal care. He had to learn how to ask other people to do things for him all the time.

His social media profile presents an image of a friendly, kind, inspirational and caring person who genuinely wanted the world to be educated in disability to make life easier for the next generation.

Seven years in a wheelchair is early days…

Back to the restaurant experience… After incidents where this man had been made to feel uncomfortable due to his injury, he decided to voice his frustration and disappointment after trying to make a booking at the Indian restaurant. After requesting a booking for five people, as a courtesy, he advised the staffer that he was a wheelchair user. He has said that he spoke to the manager and was told that the restaurant could not take his booking because they needed the money, and his wheelchair takes up too much space. After the fact he stated the experience definitely came at a cost for everybody involved, but the bigger picture of his understanding of what is right/wrong with disability was spread to over 2 million people via social media posts.

There are two sides of this spat, but the disability warriors only see one side and have no consideration of how much damage occurs by their sensationalism of a disabled person as a semi-god who in their eyes must have every whim met or there is a reason for an outrageous public outcry in support of the poor downtrodden soul.

Social media is such a powerful tool to bring out a pouring of love and support for the poor quadriplegic that could not make a booking to eat inside that particular inaccessible restaurant when he had a desire to. If the group particularly wanted to eat Indian cuisine then there was another local Indian restaurant in the area.

Social media is such a powerful tool to bring out a pouring of hate, death threats and wishes of destruction of the restaurant owners and their business for not accommodating the wheelchair user’s illusionary 2021 human right .

From my perspective this event is a backward move in the fight for inclusion.

Surely any experienced wheelchair user would understand how awkward it is in a very tiny restaurant space to accommodate a wheelchair, especially a motorised wheelchair.  The restaurant owners have a responsibility to all their patrons not just social model of disability human right activists and the business owners are entitled to make a profit.

In my view the restaurant could not accommodate a wheelchair user patron unless they removed a few tables and then it would still not be an ideal place to eat in comfort. Sure the wheelchair may have fitted under a table but that means nothing in the real scheme of a comfortable place to eat a meal when there is no turning circle and people’s feet and bodies on chairs placed closely together get in the way. The waiter has to be able to get to the tables in all areas of the restaurant. People arrive and depart to eat at different times and need to manoeuvre themselves around other patrons packed in on a busy night of trade.

Any business has the right to refuse an offer of business from a customer. While the young wheelchair user may have ‘human rights’ the business has ‘client selection’ rights. Australian law does not say every business has to serve every customer who wants to be served. Yes, I noted the posed questions to the business were on the basis of I am in a wheelchair so business owner you MUST give me what I want as my human right of being treated equally as an able bod overrides everything else you know.

The business did not say they would not prepare food for the wheelchair user’s group they said the venue could not accommodate a booking with his wheelchair requirements without discomfort to himself, his party, the restaurant staff and other patrons.

Disability is not about being different, even if your condition makes you stand out in a crowd. It is not an opportunity to celebrate diversity within a circle of a ‘vanilla’ or an ‘ordinary’ or a ‘superior’ group of people. Disability is a toxic label for impairment. Living with impairment is nothing more than living a normal existence in a complex social structure.

The natural environment, the built environment, the social environment, the financial environment, and psychological state can all create barriers from time to time.

Most people living with physical and sensory impairment want to be left alone to live their normal life. Normal for them is being able to do what they can within their own self acknowledged limitations. Society can assist them to improve their normal way of life by supplying equipment and support that are freedom giving in their intent and operation.

Providing a gateway to embracement is understanding that what is normal for one is not normal or needed by another. Transport vehicles all need brakes to assist them to stop. No matter how hi-tech bicycle brakes are they will not assist a semi-trailer truck to stop.

The following image is an example of embracement in action. A daughter being presented to society at a debutante ball. A daughter who wanted to dance with her father who could not walk without artificial mobility aids.

The other debutante fathers’ normal was to dance moving forward in a circle with their daughters. This would not work for a man unable to walk and who used calipers and crutches to be in an upright position. The solution was simple this father and his daughter danced in the middle of the circle where his normal could be embraced. If this man were in his wheelchair he could have been embraced in the same way.

For this embracement to occur no fuss was needed to be made, no drama was created, there was no need to point out the two involved had ‘human rights’. A father and his daughter’s needs were acknowledged and embraced by the organisers.

Ramps are not the only way to get to the next level in a building.

Everyone’s normal doesn’t provide someone to carry them either.

Ordinary wheelchairs are limited in a world without ramps. Engineering technology has advanced so wheelchairs can go up and down in height elevation, up and down stairs, indoor and outdoor, in wet and dry weather conditions. More than a pipe dream this freedom giving equipment is real.

Wouldn’t provision of freedom giving equipment like this Scewo wheelchair be a nice normal. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtaS_W2WnH4 “Say yes to boundless freedom” is what Scewo Bro say. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsOgiZ4D-sU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsgx8fINiLk

This type of freedom giving equipment empowers the individual to live their normal life without waiting for society to able them. It might take a little bit longer to get to the top of the stairs, but independence and participation ability is worth it.

Have you heard about the wheelchair user and his wife on an excursion to the penal colony ruins on Sarah Island in Tasmania? The brochure did not indicate there was a flight of stairs that needed to be descended on the way to the ruins site. Arriving at the outdoor staircase the husband graciously encouraged the wife to continue on her own, obviously distressed she refused. A pair of unrelated male onlookers observed the situation. Neither onlooker had any experience with maneuvering a wheelchair. One had a slim six-foot five tall physic and the other was five feet four and quite tubby. They took matters into their own hands. ‘Hey mate’ they said, ‘you are not missing out because of these stairs’. One grabbed the front of the wheelchair and the other held onto the back and the wheelchair like magic descended the stairs. The route back to the boat was flat and there was no need for the wheelchair user to be assisted again. This is a true-life experience of an embracing society. No law, no plan, no health and safety excuse, just spontaneous compassionate action. `  

Promoting Inclusion in reality equates to accommodation, that is a convenient arrangement. Governments, institutions, and business provide adaptations to make it seem they comply with legislation without having any basic understanding of what a gateway to embracement means.

To emphasise, one can mention some experiences of using a ‘disabled toilet’. Hopefully, the toilet is not out-of-commission… Yes, the facility provided to uphold a wheelchair user’s dignity on occasions have been found locked and a search is then required to find the keyholder to open the door. Others are used as storerooms, dirty, poorly lit, and defective in design. Something that is seen to be in existence to demonstrate compliance with a law and not as a result of a compassionate or embracing society.

Then one may consider holiday lodging, where the ‘disabled room’ is positioned in the building in a place where no or few other guest would want to stay. Inferior positioning, at the back with no or blocked views or overlooking the car park. The balconies are often not accessible or large enough to provide a turning circle. More often than not the entry access is not flat, and the wheelchair user will encounter steps or lips on doorways. Many bathrooms are poorly designed making access and bathing difficult and frustrating. There is a presumption that all wheelchair users can take some steps and the facility needs to mirror a hospital configuration. While the accommodation is inferior the tariff to use the facility is not discounted.

Next one can consider public owned facilities such as the Victorian Arts Centre State Theatre where wheelchairs users sit side by side and in a different row seats are provided for their companion. A husband and wife couple are unable to sit next to each other they are positioned to sit apart with strangers. The opportunity to attend the theatre in extremely limited numbers as a wheelchair user and companion is accommodated. The needs of the husband and wife are violated and exploited.

This blogger has submitted to the Royal Commission her and her husband’s experience on Cruise Ships in relation to “if you can’t walk you can’t take the tender” and other things. I was far too kind in my expression.

As the experience demonstrates violence, abuse, neglect, and exploitation of people who cannot walk and their spouse I will discuss the experience in relation to ‘promoting inclusion’.

The violence relates to emotional violation. To violate someone emotionally is to disrespect and attempt to harm the integrity of their emotional experiences.

The abuse relates to public denigration. To publicly denigrate someone is to ridicule them in a public forum. To criticise without truth projecting false superiority tinged with contempt. The aim is to continue to get away with their abuse while the target takes the blame for being abused.

The neglect relates to the refusal and failure to provide the basic help and equipment on the ship to safely alight the cruise ship at tender ports in order to maintain the passenger’s health and well-being.

The exploitation relates to the concealment of necessary equipment to safely disembark the cruise ship at tender ports. To exploit someone is to use another person’s vulnerability for one’s own benefit.

A simple cop out – “If guests are unable to tender or disembark due to these circumstances, there will be no refund or credit for missed ports. While we recognise your disappointment, the safety of our guests and crew takes precedence.” No discount fares exist for ‘disabled’ passengers.

This cruise ship had the ramp to access the balcony it just was not there in the disability access room.

How does one feel when one has gone through an embarrassing, humiliating, soul destroying hour fight to get on a tender boat. “if you can’t walk you can’t take the tender” even though our cruise ship has all the equipment necessary to accommodate your needs. The same treatment not only occurred at one tender port it happened at the two tender ports visited a few days apart.

This blogger will never forget or forgive the “if you can’t walk you can’t take the tender” rhetoric from high profit Cruise Ship companies employing people who could not care less about equal opportunity to enjoy life as others take for granted.

We understood the limitations a wheelchair user has and were not unreasonable in our request to be treated as other couples on the same holiday cruise ship. We did not demand inaccessible seats in the theatre due to the poor design. We did complain about the easy fix design of the theatre for wheelchair user passengers and that there was not a seat me so we could sit together as husband and wife in the theatre.

My husband and I were emotionally abused, financially violated, exploited, humiliated and degraded by not being permitted to have the same benefits as other couples who were on the same cruise in relation to our stateroom balcony access, unsafe bathroom, photography, housekeeping trolleys, lack of wheelchair user excursions, if you can’t walk you can’t take the tender rhetoric, being expected to spend days apart while on holiday and being an imposed onboard prisoner of the ship captain.